Tough times

She's hanging in there, mum and I spent nearly all day today with her on and off, holding her hand, talking, telling stories I remembered from when I was a kid. She knows exactly what is going on, just too exhausted to talk, but she can still smile, her eyes are knowing. When we held up a picture of grandpa she would slowly mouth a kiss to him. I even tucked one of her many many teddy bears into bed with her when we left tonight, she smiled when I told her teddy was in bed and would tell me if she misbehaved.

We reminisced today, talking to her, about when grandpa would chase her round the kitchen, or when unbeknowns to her, he'd tie her apron strings to the chair when she was sitting eating, the things she'd cook us when we come visiting, their little purple car.

I wouldn't have thought it possible but she's lost even more weight, in her face this is most noticeable, her arms are so tiny, her legs too, a skeleton with the barest most fragile tissue skin. I spent a good half hour giving her reiki this afternoon. I hope it helps her. It helped me, being able to lay my hands on her tiny tiny body and just try to send her my energy, a really nice connection to have.

But it's hard. Just so darn hard, watching, waiting, not knowing. Hard and heart wrenching.